ತರ್ಲೆಕುಂಟನಹಳ್ಳಿಯ Da Vinci Code

ತರ್ಲೆಕುಂಟನಹಳ್ಳಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ಇಂಥಹ ಒಂದು ದೊಡ್ಡ ಅನಾಹುತ ನಡೆಯತ್ತೆಂದು ಪತ್ತೇದಾರಿ ಮಾದೇಶ ಕನಸಲ್ಲೊ ಎಣಸಿರಲಿಲ್ಲ. ಅದು ಹೇಗೊ ಏನೋ ಆ ಊರಿನ ಆಂಗ್ಲರ ಪಳೆಯುಳಿಕೆಯಂತಿದ್ದಹ ಸಂಗ್ರಹಾಲಯದ ಪಾಲಕ ರಂಗಜ್ಜ ಸಾವಿಗೀಡಾದ.  ಮಾದೇಶನಿಗೆ ಇನ್ನೂ ನೆನಪಿದೆ. ರಕ್ತದ ಮಡುವಿನಲ್ಲಿ ಬಿದ್ದಿದ ರಂಗಜ್ಜ ಹುಚ್ಚನಂತೆ ಕೇಕೆ ಹಾಕುತ್ತ ತನ್ನ ಅಂತಿಮ ಕ್ಷಣಗಳಲ್ಲಿ ಕೂಗಿದ ಪದಗಳು, "Da Vinci, ಅದು Da Vinci, ನಮ್ಮ ಊರಿನ Da Vinci Code-ಉ!!"

ಆಗ ಮಾದೇಶನಿಗೆ ನೆನಪಿಗೆ ಬಂದದ್ದು ಅದೇ ಹೆಸರಿನ ಒಂದು ಅಂಗ್ಲ ಚಲನಚಿತ್ರ. ಹೌದು.. ರಂಗಜ್ಜ ಹೇಳಬಯಸಿದ್ದು ಈ ಚಿತ್ರದ ಬಗ್ಗೆಯೇ ಇರಬೇಕು, ಏಕೆಂದರೆ ರಂಗಜ್ಜ ಖಂಡಿತ ಹುಚ್ಚನಂತೂ ಅಲ್ಲ.ಸದಾ ಊರಿನವರ ಬಾಯಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ತನ್ನ ಪತ್ತೆದಾರಿಕೆಯಿಂದ ಬೈಗುಳಗಳನ್ನು ತಿನ್ನುತಿದ್ದ ಮಾದೇಶ ಇದರ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಏನಾದರು ಮಾಡಲೇಬೇಕು, ಇದು ನನ್ನ ಪತ್ತೆದಾರಿಕೆಗೆ ಒಂದು ಸವಾಲು ಎಂದು ಯೋಚಿಸಿದ. ತಕ್ಷಣವೇ ಪಟ್ಟಣದಲಿದ್ದ ತನ್ನ ಗೆಳೆಯ ಪರಮೇಶಿಗೆ ಕರೆ ಮಾಡಿದ.

"ಓಹ್ಹೋಹೋ !! ಏನಪ್ಪೋ ಮಾದೇಶ ? ಇಟ್ಟು ದಿನಗಳ ಮೇಲೆ ನನ್ನ ನೆನಪು ಬಂತೆನೂ? ", ಅತ್ತ ಕಡೆಯಿಂದ ಪರಮೇಶಿ ಕೂಗಿದ.

"ಹೂ ಕಣಲೇ.. ನಿನ್ನಿಂದ ತುರ್ತಾಗಿ ಒಂದು ಕೆಲಸ ಆಗಬೇಕಿತ್ತೋ", ಮಾದೇಶ ಅಳುಕಿದ.

"ಗೊತ್ತಿತು, ಏನೋ ಕೆಲಸ ಇಟ್ಕೊಂಡೇ ಫೋನ್ ಮಾಡ್ತಾ ಇದ್ದೀಯ ಅಂತ. ಹ್ಞೂ, ಅದೇನು ಅಂತ ಹೇಳಪ್ಪ", ಪರಮೇಶಿ ಕೇಳಿದ.

"ದೊಡ್ಡ ಕೆಲಸ ಏನು ಅಲ್ಲ ಕಣೋ. ನನಗೆ ಇ Da Vinci Code ಅಂತ ಒಂದು ಇಂಗ್ಲಿಷ್ ಚಿತ್ರದ್ದು c.d ಬೇಕಿತ್ತು. ಸಿಗುತ್ತಾ ?", ಮಾದೇಶ ಕೇಳಿದ.

"ಅದಾ ?", ರಾಗವೆಳೆದ ಪರಮೇಶಿ. "ಸಿಗಬಹುದು.. ಏನಿದು ಇಂಗ್ಲಿಷ್ ಚಿತ್ರ ನೋಡೋ ಆಸೆ? ಏನ್ ಕಥೆನಪ್ಪ?"

"ಯಾವುದೋ matter ಬಗ್ಗೆ ನೋಡಬೇಕಿತ್ತಪ್ಪ. ಫೋನ್ ನಲ್ಲಿ ಹೇಳಕ್ಕಾಗೋಲ್ಲ", ಮಾದೇಶ ಉತ್ತರಿಸಿದ.

"ಓಹೋ ಏನೋ serious ಆದಹಂಗೆ ಇದೆ ಹಾಗಾದರೆ.. ಸರಿ ಆದಷ್ಟು ಬೇಗ ಕಳಿಸ್ತೀನಿ", ಎಂದ ಪರಮೇಶಿ.

"ಥ್ಯಾಂಕ್ಸ್ ಕಣೋ ತುಂಬ", ಎಂದು ಹೇಳಿ ಫೋನ್ ಇಟ್ಟ.

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೩ ದಿವಸದ ನಂತರ ಮಾದೇಶನ ಕೈಯಲ್ಲಿ "The Da Vinci Code" c.d ಇತ್ತು. ತಕ್ಷಣವೇ ಅದನ್ನು ನೋಡಲು ಹಚ್ಚಿದ.

ಚಿತ್ರದ ಆರಂಭದ ಸನ್ನಿವೇಶವನ್ನು ನೋಡಿದಾಕ್ಷಣ ಆತನ ತಲೆ ಸುತ್ತಿದ ಹಾಗಾಯಿತು. ಅರೇ!! ರಂಗಜ್ಜ ಹೇಳಲು ಯತ್ನಿಸಿದ್ದು ಇದನ್ನೇ ಎಂದು ಖಾತ್ರಿ ಆಯಿತು. ಆ ಚಿತ್ರದ Louvre ಸಂಗ್ರಹಾಲಯದ ಪಾಲಕನ ಕೊಲೆಯ ಸನ್ನಿವೇಶ, ತಮ್ಮ ಊರಿನ ಸಂಗ್ರಹಾಲಯದ ಪಾಲಕ ರಂಗಜ್ಜನ ಕೊಲೆ!! ಒಹ್..

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ಮರುದಿನ ಸಂಜೆ ಪತ್ತೇದಾರಿ ಮಾದೇಶ ಊರಿನ ಮುಖಂಡರ ಮನೆಗೆ ಬಂದ.

"ಮುಖಂಡರೇ, ನಿಮ್ಮ ಬಳಿ ಒಂದು ಮಹತ್ವದ ವಿಷಯ ಮಾತನಾದಬೇಕಾಗಿದೆ. ನನಗೆ ಕೊನೆಗೂ ರಂಗಜ್ಜನ  ಕೊಲೆ ಯಾರು ಮಾಡಿರಬಹುದೆಂಬುದು ತಿಳಿಯಲ್ಪಟ್ಟಿದೆ", ಎಂದು ಶುರು ಮಾಡಿದ.

"ಏನ್ ಮಾತಾಡ್ತಾಯಿದ್ದಿಯಪ್ಪ  ? ರಂಗಜ್ಜ ಕೊಲೆ ಅದನೆ? ಛೆ ಛೆ.. ಅವನು ಸಾಕಿದ ಗೂಳಿ ಅಕಸ್ಮಾತ್ ಆಗಿ ತಿವಿದು ಆಟ ಮೃತಪಟ್ಟನಲ್ಲವೇ..", ಎಂದರು ಮುಖಂಡರು.

"ನೋಡೋದಿಕ್ಕೆ ಹಾಗೆ ಕಾಣುತ್ತೆ, ಮುಖಂಡರೆ.. ಆದರೆ ಇಗೋ ನೋಡಿ ನನ್ನ ಕೈಯಲ್ಲಿ ಪುರಾವೆ ಇದೆ",  ಎಂದು ಹೇಳಿ 'The Da Vinci Code' c.d ಅನ್ನು ಹೊರ ತೆಗೆದ. "ಇದಿರಲ್ಲಿ ಇದೆ, ರಂಗಜ್ಜ ಸಾಯೋ ಮೊದಲು ಹಾಗೆ ಹುಚ್ಚನಂತೆ ಏಕೆ ಕೂಗಿದ ಅಂತ.. ಅವನ ಕೊಲೆ Opus Dei ಅನ್ನೋ ಒಂದು ಗುಂಪಿನ ಸಂಚು. ನೀವೂ ನೋಡಿ ಧಣಿಗಳೇ. ನಿಮಗೆ ತಿಳಿಯುತ್ತೆ."

"ಅದರ ಅವಶ್ಯಕತೆ ಇಲ್ಲ.."

ಮುಖಂಡರ ಮಗ ಗೋವಿಂದ ಅಲ್ಲಿಗೆ ಬಂದ.

"ನೋಡಪ್ಪ.. ಒಂದು ಸಲ ಇದನ್ನು ನೋಡಿದರೆ, ಎಲ್ಲ ಗೊತ್ತಾಗುತ್ತೆ ನಿಮಗೆ..", ಮತ್ತೆ ಶುರು ಮಡಿದ ಮಾದೇಶ..

"ಏಯ್ ಮಾದೇಶ.. ಗೊತ್ತಿಲ್ಲದೇ ಇರುವವನು ನೀನು..", ಕಿಡಿ ಕಾರಿದ ಗೋವಿಂದ. "ರಂಗಜ್ಜನ ಗೂಳಿಯ ಹೆಸರೇನು ಗೊತ್ತೇನು? ಒಂದು Michanangelo, ಮತ್ತೊಂದು Leonardo Da Vinci.. ಆತನನ್ನು ತಿವಿದಿದ್ದು Da Vinci.. Da Vinci ಯ ಕೋಡಿನಿಂದ ತಿವಿದ ವಿಷಯದಲ್ಲಿ ತನ್ನ ಕೊನೆಯ ಕ್ಷಣದಲ್ಲೂ ಸ್ವಾರಸ್ಯ ಕಂಡ ರಂಗಜ್ಜ. ನೀ ಮತ್ತೆ ಏನೋ ಒಂದು ಸುರು ಮಾಡಬೇಡ. ದೊಡ್ಡ ಪತ್ತೇದಾರಿ ಥರ..."

ಮುಖಂಡರು ಎದ್ದು ಒಳ ನಡೆದರು.
ತರ್ಲೆಕುಂಟನಹಳ್ಳಿಯ ಮಹಾನ್ ಪತ್ತೇದಾರಿ ಮಾದೇಶನ ಬಿಟ್ಟ ಬಾಯಿ ಬಿಟ್ಟೇ ಇತ್ತು..

When a science experiment goes wrong

Dr.Raghavan had a lot of reasons to be exited today. Just 8 years after the Large Hadron Collider was commissioned and started its operation at CERN, his team had managed to setup what was only the world's third particle collider under BARC. Today India's own version of 'mini-universe' would begin it's first run with a large congregation of media (from all over the world, of course), eminent scientists, the president of the country, a few other heads of few more states and a political entourage from a friendly African country present as its witness, along with the entire nation glued to television watching the live telecast

He was just leaving the CVR-314 (which was one of the 6 controlling and monitoring areas) and would soon be joining the dignitaries at the DK-7 (the presentation area - specially designed for the occasion), when he saw Dr.Talpade coming in his direction, looking all sweaty and pale.

"Dr.Talpade, what on earth are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at..", began Raghavan when Talpade interjected.

"I'm sorry Dr.Raghavan. I have some very bad news. You see, one of our trial runs went horribly wrong. The controlling systems... They malfunctioned I think. And the acceleration overshot by..", he stammered.

"Dr.Talpade! What is this you're talking of? This simply cannot.."

"Dr.Raghavan, please listen to me. The team, I mean... We botched up. And..", he looked up with hands held together at his chest. "Oh God! I think we created a small rip in the Time-Space continuum.. And the tear is growing wider and wider. And your daughter Dr.Naina has kind of gotten stuck in the warp-hole. We need to get her out, Dr. And we need to evac immediately"

Dr.Raghavan's face went white. This was the biggest shock of his life...

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Moments later Dr.Raghavan and Dr.Talpade along with the rest of the team were assembled at BHC-PPK-9 and all were listening to Dr.Raghavan talk.

"As I see there is only one way out. We should allow the warp-hole to completely get Naina first. No, listen to me.. I'm not kidding", he was saying seeing the skeptic looks on their faces. "And then, using the synchotron beam, we start sealing the rip in the time-space fabric. The synchotron particles should negate and annhilate the photo-gluons that should be forming along the edges of the tear, thus forming a seal. Well... What are we waiting for? Let's do this together team" he finished.

He then went towards where his daughter lay stuck in a limbo between this world and God-knew-elsewhere. Holding her hands, he said, "Naina. Do not fear. You'll be alright, I promise. I love you my dear.."

"I love you too, Dad", said Naina tearfully as she sank into the other world.

Operation fixup began. The team assembled the synchotron ray gun and powered it up. As soon as it hit 80%, Dr.Raghavan signalled them to take aim.

85%

93%

96%

99%

Zwibbbfffffpppt!! Zreeeenk!! Twoosh!!

The hole was sealed. No sooner did this happen, Dr.Naina popped out of thin air right where she had stood before being sucked up into the warp-hole..

A loud cheer went up in the room. Everyone surrounded the father and daughter pair. A visibly shaken but really relieved Dr.Talpade finally managed to ask the question all had been dying for.

"But Dr.Raghavan, how did you know nothing would happen to your daughter. Wasn't sealing the rip, with your daughter inside very risky?"

Dr.Raghavan replied "It was really simple actually. There was no way my dear daughter was ever in danger. For you know 'a stitch in time saves Nain'a, right?"

How Terminator should have ended

John Connor ducked just in time as the T-X fired two shots into the space which had been occupied by his head just a few micro-seconds ago. As he stepped of the sidewalk onto the road, he had no doubt he was finished today. With no T-101 to protect him, there was no way he was going to survive. It was just a question of when the T-X would catch up with him...

But then, all thought of escaping the T-X were driven out of his mind by the booming horn of a Renault Magnum truck. Once again he fell to his knees, bought his shoulders to the road and pulled his head into his chest and rolled perpendicular to the trucks path. The truck breaked nevertheless. Seizing this opportunity, John quickly got to his feet again, bounded across the remaining part of the street, reached for the fence , grabbing its railings with both hands and leaped across it to land into a basketball court.

This too was empty. As he ran across the empty court, something bounced out of his coat. It was a Colt M1911 .45 caliber. Stumbling he caught it, whipped around and sure enough the T-X was just getting over the fence. He aimed for her head firing of 3 quick shots. They just seemed to richochet of the tough exo-skeleton of that mean machine. Having no choice he made another dash for the gates of the court, across it and again into another pavement and started running east.

"Don't move"

Oh! About time... It was T-101 and he had his bad-ass shotgun with him. John Connor, between the two machines, with both of them having their weapons pointed straight ahead, now at each other.

"Duck", bellowed T-101, and John did. T-101 dropped his shotgun, and ran towards the T-X with his right arm outstretched, index and middle fingers separated in a V-shape and screaming "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!" The surprised T-X shot at T-101, with one shot missing and another rebounding of his chest. T-101's fingers connected with the eyes of T-X, and she froze. And as John watched the T-X fell to the ground writhing.

"How's that possible?", asked John as he was helped to his feet by T-101. "I shot her in the head, and nothing happened. You did not even use your weapon.."

"That's simple", replied the T-101. "You could have done it too. If you knew that to destroy her, you've got to catch her in the eye"

Lord of the Mutreeks - Return of the Ring

Somewhere in middle-earth the sun is beating the hell out over vast treeless desolate plains. Two figures are trundling along, in silence. The taller of the two is an old man, possibly ancient. He looks so old that it might have occurred at first glance as though he had already died once (perhaps he has, who knows). The other is a shorter, curly haired being. A story cannot proceed if one of them will not start speaking shortly. So, the old man starts the conversation.

"Young hobbit, would thee look in ye baggage and fetch meself something to eat?", asked the old man.

"Gandalf, stop talking in such a stupid style! I'm sick of it. And don't talk to me as though I'm a 2 year old, for Gods sake", cried the one who was called hobbit.

"What stupide style art thou speaking of? Why dost that make thee sick? Did thee consume something heathen on ye way yonder?", the older one called Gandalf asked with attempted concern in his voice. But it sounded as though he was doing this deliberately. And enjoying it.

"Oh, for the last time Gandalf, quit it.. Quit it before I..", began the hobbit, but then...

"Well well well, if it isn't Gandalf the White and Frodo Baggins. What a pleasant surprise!!", it was an elfish looking man.

"Yo Elrond!! Wassup dawg..", shouted Frodo the hobbit cheerfully, forgetting all his irritability about Gandalf. Elrond the elf-man just nods. But Gandalf is wary. He is glaring at Elrond. Elrond notices this.

"Yes, I think you know Mr.Gandalf.. I see that look on your face, that you recognise me now. Well, I won't hide it any longer. I am Smith. An agent Smith", sneered the elf-man known as Elrond.

"What the hell are ya speaking of dude? An agent? Of what?", cried Frodo, looking from Elrond to Gandalf and back.

"Perhaps my appearance should clear up all doubts" It was coming from a man in a dark suit. He was also wearing a pair of sunglasses. Frodo gawks at the new entry. Yank off his sunglasses, and put him in an elvish garb and why, he's Elrond!! Frodo opens mouth, closes, opens it again and still makes no sound. Look on his face is of utter shock.

(Let us call this new entry Smith#2. Elrond then naturally becomes Smith#1 – by the virtue of being earlier in the order of appearance)

"Now that we know who I really am", said Smith#1, "Well atleast Mr.Gandalf does. The other numbfuck (gesturing towards where Frodo stood looking - well - gaping still) will take some more time before his filament heats up. I think it would be wise to get on with some more introductions."

"So where do we start, Mr.Gandalf or should I call you Mr.Eric Lehnsherr a.k.a Magneto, hmmm?", said Smith#2. Now it was Gandalf’s turn to look shocked.

"We know more about you than you think we know. You also go by the identity Grouchonomanas isn't it?", sneered Smith#1.

"Grouchy who??", ventured Frodo recovering a little.

"The one who's standing there looking grouchy now", said Smith#2 now also sneering.

"Why did you do it?", asked Gandalf, "You were an immortal when you were Elrond. Why give it all away to be what, a freelancing agent?"

"Hmm.. Now that you ask", replied former Elrond (Smith#1), proceeding to put his hand into his pocket.

Gandalf suddenly looked even more wary. The tip of his staff started glowing white.

"Easy old man. I was just removing this", said Smith#1, removing a rectangular piece of paper from his pocket.

"And we know, it's a 1500W bulb you've got there mounted on that staff for special effects. Wanna bet what happens when environmentalists get a wind of that? Someone like Pachauri or God forbid Arundhati Roy? The great Gandalf using an energy inefficient light bulb!!", sneered Smith#2

"Anyway, getting to answering your question", said Smith#1 pushing a photo across to Gandalf. It was the picture of a scrawny hideous looking elf whose head looked like someone had mistaken it for a football and accidentally kicked it around when the owner of the head had accidentally slept in the football field.

"Not exactly pretty was I?", said Smith#1. "That was before I accepted the offer to become an agent Smith. Besides, I still have retained my immorali.. Oops immortality if you're so concerned about that"

Frodo had recovered almost completely by then. He asked, "So you (pointing to Smith#1) became him(Smith#2)? What’s that supposed to mean? You two are one and the same?!?”

"So naive Mr.Baggins", replied Smith#1. “Let me put it more clearly. He(Smith#2) is a self-made man, while I am man-made elf”

“Oh”, is all Frodo manages.

“None of that still explains what brings you here”, asks Gandalf pointing around as though he is showing some guest around in his private vegetable garden.

"Don’t we all like to know that, hmmm? “, replies Smith#2. “Sadly the truth is that I got pwned by a certain hacker called Neo. As a result I got annihilated. However, that it seems is not the end for me. I was blasted off into a parallel universe. There are infact many other worlds, parallel universes, each stacked on the top of the other. After the climax of any trilogy, the characters are often shunted off into such vortexes of existance. Some however alternate between several such existances"

"Your companion Gandalf knows about all this. He has been living under several identities in several such universes. You wanna know how we came to know about your Magneto act, Mr.Gandalf? Want to know who squealed on you? It was Mystique...", says Smith#1 grinning.

Gandalf mutters something that sounds very much like "Bitch"..

"Anyway. You must have met the Orcs of Mordor the Uruk-hai in your own version of the world",said Smith#2. "Ah so you have.. Right..", he smiled seeing the look of terror on Frodo's face. "It so happened that the commander-in-chief of Uruk-hai was also blasted off into a parallel universe along with his entire army when, as a result of destruction a certain ring courtesy Mr. Baggins with a little help from a certain Gollum, the army of orcs was annhilated. By an amazing chance of sheer coincidence, he landed in the same world as myself"

"Being loners, we found solace in each other. Narrated our stories to each other and when I got to the point where I transformed the life of former Elrond, the orc guy gets all exited. You see, he had heard of Elrond, who's dazzling beauty paled in comparison to that of the orcs. But he had never understood the secret of how ugly little Elrond suddenly appeared more... ah.. charming", said Smith#2

"When he did, however he requested us to transform all of his army into more better looking gentlemen", continued Smith#1, "to which we gladly agreed. So to answer your question of why we're here. Yes, we're here to transform the Uruk-hai army into an army of Smiths. Mu-ha-ha-ha-ha", laughs Smith#1. Smith#2 joins him in laughter..

"Wait a minute", said Frodo. "You're here to transform means.. Mordor Orcs are here ?!?"

More grins.. Smiths nod at the same time. "Someone's finally catching on. Yes, the orcs are here, you are here, we are here", says Smith#1.

"Ow man!! I risk my life and all to destroy a silly ring, some evil villian and his entire army to boot, and I find that I still end up in some sick parallel universe where Mordor Orcs still exist. Shit man..." wails Frodo. "Smith.. Tell me quick. What about Sauron? He's not here is he?"

"Ofcourse he is here. And guess what Mr.Baggins, the ring that you destroyed in your own world. It is here in this world too. Ha-ha-ha", laughed Smith#1.

"Hobbit. You know what this means. We have to destroy the ring. Another quest!!", cries Gandalf.

"Ow man!! Ow man!! Ow man!! Not again....", wails Frodo..

And just then another man in dark overcoat lands amidst them, wearing dark shades(and apparently more good looking than the vain Mr.Smiths) Smiths scream and cling to each other in terror.

"Guess who else is back as well, bitches", says the dude they call Neo...

(to be continued.. perhaps..)

No need to say it out loud

13th February, and minutes away from the V-Day.

It is at this moment my reader that we choose to visit a boy who is preparing to send his first Valentines message - very much like several love struck teenagers at this time around the world I'm sure -well, atleast those who are in the same time zone as the boy in question...

But it is this boy we are watching now as he sits on his bed by the window in almost complete darkness. It is nearly new moon and the only light from the skies is what the stars in the heaven can provide (which is quite naturally, very little, if you've observed the sky on such a day my reader) The streets are empty and dark owing to the local power stations devious plan that seems to be that it's town's local lovers may be deterred by such darkness into keeping away from each other. Alas, they do not know that true love cannot be stopped by such menial things..

Let us approach the boy my reader, and hush... Make not any noise. Here we currently see that though it is completely dark, there is a little glow coming from his room. What is this source of light that has lit up his face thus? Ah, it is his mobile phone. Come now let us peep over his shoulder and see what the boy is upto...

He seems to be going through the Drafts section in Messaging option of his phone. Here we see several messages: shayari, wonderful poems, mushy rhymes he has collected all through the year. And they all bear the name of only one sender.. That is right my reader. The name in the sender field is that of the girl whom this boy loves deeply!! He seems to ponder over each message. One of these will end up in her inbox tonight he thinks, and we see/hear all this quite clearly...

You may wonder, my reader, why doesn't the boy call the girl up - for isn't that the best way to make his feelings known? Well the truth is that he is so sure if he tires to talk he will make a fool of himself and fail very badly. And neither me nor you can convince him otherwise, so lets leave it at that.

But even as I speak, we see/hear he has decided he cannot send any of those canned messages. They all seem to fake and unreal. Yes, he thinks, a true message must be from ones heart to another. So he starts composing a new message:

My dear ... Happy Valentines Day. I really love you a lot and

Hmm, he does not have much imagination at this sort of a thing, so my readers, we have to accept that this is what he starts with. Atleast this is some beginning...
But wait. He is shaking his head; Oh!! And now he is erasing the message

Happy

He cannot do it. He will not do it. Oh my, I think he is giving up. We can see/hear it in his head...

Happy Chinese New Year!

He writes instead. Poor boy...

May the year of the Tiger bring to you great prosperity !!

He concludes the message somewhat lamely and presses the Send button.Bitterly dissapointed he lies down to sleep. A few seconds pass by and he knows he isn't going to get any sleep tonight...

Somewhere nearby the town-halls huge clock begins its 12 chimes to indicate the arrival of midnight.

Dong.. Dong.. Dong..

Just then his phone beeps!!

Dong.. Dong..

1 new message

Dong.. Dong.. Dong.. Dong..

He opens his inbox. It is from her!!! His heart starts beating wildly. He opens the message:

Hey! Happy Valentines Day!                                                                                   Dong..
You don't need to say it out loud silly. I love you too.                                 Dong..
How about we meet someplace and spend our Valentine together?    Dong..


Come now dear readers, let us not press upon his privacy any more. Just as we leave his room we see him typing 'Y' and 'e' and ...

In which the author is plagiarised

Not so long ago, I wrote a stupid, silly post about how to tweet from java. And then as the Gunslinger said "the world moved on" I found better things to do (and also to do things in a better way), and wisely judging that if I ever wrote a Twitter app as mentioned in that post and made it public (which was something I wanted to for some time now) I may be sent to the gallows for such stupidity. Really, because it was a simple application that transmits your Twitter id & password in plain text, for all to sniff and snoop. For those of you who are interested you can use OAuth to keep your Twitter data safe. I'll perhaps write about that some other time..

So why am I returning to all that now? Well.. I stumbled upon this today. If you look carefully (or casually - for Christ's sake - it doesn't matter) you may notice similarities to the earlier post of mine. Some dude has flicked bits of my code for some project (called ESME) undergoing incubation at Apache Software Foundation!! Check out this part:

String encStatus = "status="+URLEncoder.encode(statusmsg, "UTF-8");
ostreamwriter = new OutputStreamWriter(conn.getOutputStream());
ostreamwriter.write(encStatus); //--> Magic Magic :)
ostreamwriter.flush(); //I forgot this at first..


Come on dude. It's okay if you're inspired by someone else's code. Feel free to contact that person if you want to use it. But copying it with comments and all ? Too obvious. How can you ripoff someone else's posts and pass it off as your own, huh? I'm not really interested in taking a legal recourse. But come on, isn't there something called ethics?

So now I make a hue and cry about not being credited and all that ? That my mother cried after seeing all this? What next, I participate in Aman ki Asha with my Pakistani counterpart (if I have one), block people on Twitter and write novels whose titles include only numbers I can count with my right hand?

My case may not be has high profile one as this. But hell, I now understand how people who get plagiarised by the likes of Pritam and all feel. I think I'm more than just a little peeved at this. I feel this urge to do something to make me feel better about this.

Allrighty.. What you see next is a product of one pissed off mind. You have been warned, so beware.

** Ironically the producers of a certain movie claimed that using this video is kind-of plagiarism, so this has been taken down **

In your face plagiarist. In your face..


Aah.. Feels much better now.

The uncertain case of Jeevan Das

(Disclaimer: The following work is purely fictional. I do not mean to offend anyone by writing this. This could have happened in any court in any country. Perhaps it is only the names that are Indianised. I leave it all to your imagination. No more preambles. No meandering narratives. On with the story then.... )

Judge: This court has been called to decide upon the case of Jeevan Das vs State of *** with directives that it deliver a speedy judgement as it involves parties who have very high holdings in our society. The public prosecutor Mr.Roy will argue on states behalf.
(turning to the accused)
You have been accused of the theft of a bicycle of Bobby, pampered son of our village Panchayat head. How do you plead, guilty or not guilty ?

Jeevan Das: Not guilty mi lord.

Audience: (Gasp!!)

Judge: Very well. Who will represent you in the legal proceedings?

Jeevan Das: No one mi lord. I will argue on behalf of myself. And yes the public prosecutor will assist me.

Public prosecutor: What the f**k !!!
(judge glares at him) Ahem. Sorry your honour. I apologize for using cuss words in the esteemed court. But as a public prosecutor, I am not legally bound to assist the accused. I request your lordship to instruct the accused to refrain from making such statements.

Judge: Mr. JeevanDas, you are not to make such statements. Do you not know how the judiciary works ? The public prosecutor cannot be of any assistance to you. If you want to proceed without a lawyer, you may do so. But I hereby prohibit you from making such absurd claims.

Jeevan Das:  Apologies mi lord. I will make no more such claims, though I still stick to what I claimed earlier.

Judge: Alright, alright. Let the public prosecutor begin his thing. Whatever it is that his thing is.

Public prosecutor: I'm sure you mean that I begin my prosecution your honour.
(coming to Jeevan Das - who has in the meanwhile been sworn on Gita or some other similar tome)
Will you please state your name and occupation to the court ?

Jeevan Das: Well I'm Jeevan Das, and I'm the president of Kleptomaniacs Anonymous.

Public prosecutor: Mr.Jeeven Das, when I say occupation I mean what do you do for living ? His lordship probably knows that the presidency of Kleptomaniacs Anonymous is not an office of profit, considering that lordship himself has held the post previously.

(judge appears to be looking towards the ceiling, whistling lowly)

Jeevan Das: Well then, by daylight I am a swindler ; and a thief by night.

Public prosecutor: Aha!! Your honour, I think this statement itself should be suffient to convict the accused for the crime, don't you think ?

Jeevan Das: Mi lord, I said I am a thief, not a successful thief. If my knowledge of law is correct, I cannot be convicted if it isn't proven that I've ever successfully stolen something, right ? Besides, the aforementioned robbery took place in broad daylight.

Public prosecutor: Well allright. I have a witness who has, as you may have guessed, witnessed you stealing the cycle. I request your lordship to allow me to present the witness to the court.

Judge: Summon the witness.

Public prosecutor: I call upon Bobby, the grievant.

(Bobby enters)

Public prosecutor: Bobby, do you identify the person standing as the accused?

Bobby: You mean the guy in the silly wig? Why he's my dad's friend and drinking mate. Namastey Uncleji !!

Public prosecutor: Hush!! That's the honourable judge.. And here he's no one's friend. I meant that one (points to Jeevan Das)

Bobby: Oh.. Hey, I'd identify that guy anywhere. He's the rascal who stole my bicycle. Arrest him!! Why's he standing.. (prosecutor whispers) Oh, sorry.

Public prosecutor: So Bobby, please narrate to the court what happened on that fateful day.

Bobby: Well I took out my cycle for a ride to the market. That turned out to the last time I rode it.. Well actually I rode it once more on my way back...
And then I parked it in my compound and went inside the house to have lunch.I came out and saw that the cycle had dissapeared. Just outside the gate, I saw this man Jeevan Das escaping with my cycle.

Public prosecutor: Thank you Bobby. That evidence should convince his lordship about the accused.

Judge: Hmmm.. Jeevan Das, do you have anything to add?

Jeevan Das: I have one question to ask the witness mi lord.

Judge: Ask away then.

Jeevan Das: (turning to Bobby) You say that you saw me escaping on you cycle. Can you tell me the exact speed with which I escaped ?

Bobby: Well I could say the approximate speed was around 25Km/h

Jeevan Das: Approximate.. See mi lord, he does not even know the speed with which I sped away after allegedly stealing his bike. I say that his entire story is fabricated.

(meanwhile Public prosecutor nudges Bobby so hard in his ribs that he yelps)

Bobby: No.. No.. I can tell you the exact speed.. Mi lord, he escaped with my bike at an exact speed of 24.6 Km/h

Jeevan Das: How sure are you of that?

Bobby: I completely certain.. I swear on it..

Jeevan Das: In terms of percentage??

Public prosecutor: Objection Your honour, this is highly irrelevant question...

Jeevan Das: Very relevant mi lord as I shall shortly explain.. Please Mr.Bobby how certain are you?

B: (now vehemantly) 100%.. I'm 100% sure of the fact that you escaped at 24.6 Km/h..

Jeevan Das: Ah! Thank you Bobby and thank you public prosecutor.. That is all I need to prove my innocence..

Judge, Public prosecutor and Bobby: (all together) What the f**k @#$@ ?!?

Jeevan Das: Yes.. I'm sure you must have heard of Heisenbergs uncertainty principle.. Well it states that: the position and velocity of an object cannot be measured exactly at the same time!! This means if Bobby is 100% sure of my speed/velocity he must be totally unsure of my position at that time. Thus you cannot take his evidence that I was there at that time. That is all mi lord..

(Almost everyone who was capable of speech in that court gave out a loud groan. One lady screamed and fainted. Donkey brayed somewhere. Or it was the other way round. Govinda slapped someone..

And ofcourse - Jeevan Das walked free)